Wisdom of a Neighborhood Intuitive
on Relationships

Published Summer 2010.

How many of you have heard the saying; "love is deaf, dumb, and blind?" After many years at my reading table, I would have to concur that the phrase has substance in the daily lives of many in relationships. There are predictable patterns that a reader often sees when dealing with the public on the topic of relationship. Unfortunately, many people devote their lives to others with little thought as to whether the object of their affection values what they value in life. I often tell the story that we are all "on the sea of life," and we are all like "driftwood". One day on the "sea of life" we run into another person, another piece of driftwood, and with little thought we devote our lives to that "other piece of driftwood" because it resembles us and we are somehow inexplicably attracted to it. This appears to be the sum total of the thought process put into choosing a mate in today's society. Sad, but true.

There are those who proudly announce that they have been together for many many years, and then you look into the cards to see only strife and misery. They wear each anniversary as a "badge of honor" because they have survived another year together. Neither one of them happy, but the fear of aloneness and poverty holds them in their miserable existence. When it is suggested that perhaps they should move on and allow both partners to become happy, they announce that their religion forbids it. Their children would stop loving them, and their relatives would be scarred for life. The alternative is the "gilded cage" of their own making, their loveless relationship, and the years of untold misery to come. One day the universe knocks on their door in the form of a "new relationship," one that holds promise of love and contentment. Do they leave the old miserable, stale, relationship and start anew? No, instead they cheat on their spouse and justify their behavior because they have worked hard for the "things" that they own. Divorce would divide the spoils of life, and after all, it isn't their fault that they have a loveless marriage. They tried. The other "piece of driftwood" just didn't value what they valued you see. When will their spouse die they ask? Death gives respectability to ending a relationship.

Some folks are in love with fairytales. "Tinker Bell," the "Easter Bunny," and "Soul Mates" all exist in their world. Their definition of "soulmate" is one person who is so suited to them that they finish their sentences, and fulfill their every fantasy. Someone who is "there for them" and doesn't mind doing and being whatever their heart desires. The media has done a wonderful job in convincing people that someday their prince/princess will come. It would be wise to remember that people don't change and that people value what they value. You can't change the substance of a "piece of driftwood."

Many look to their youth to define what love must be. After a failed marriage/relationship they think that if they could only get back with their childhood sweetheart, then all would be well. They search Classmates, and Facebook to "find their childhood friends." After all, they were young and foolish when they broke up with the childhood sweetheart and now they are adults. Many people attempt to break up the marriages of these childhood sweethearts because they are convinced that their first love is their only chance at love. Alas, they are trying to regain their youth and although they were "young driftwood" when they met, they are "old driftwood" that has been dashed upon the rocks by the sea. The attempt to revisit the past fails.

Too many people look upon their past relationship failures and announce that they will never again commit to loving another human being. They are smart enough to know that marriage is the leading cause of divorce! Then, they ask wistfully at the end of the reading, in a muffled voice, will I ever be loved again? When I ask the all important question, are you willing to give your love again? They answer that they are not sure if they can. What they mean is that they are afraid to love again, afraid to live, and to feel and to perhaps, lose the one they love. I often answer that to live is to love, and to sometimes lose, and to feel the depths of emotion that Spirit has blessed us with in this lifetime. The Grace is not in the pain of loss, but in the fact that we had courage enough to take a chance on living and on loving, again.

So, how is it that we find our happiness, our love? Is all lost, or is there a way to obtain love & happiness? I believe that first we need to know ourselves well. Know what you value. Look at what your potential life partner values. Let a person's actions speak louder than their words! Wait to allow a relationship to develop over time, without immediately clouding its growth with "in the moment" lust, for satisfaction's sake. Some of the best relationships begin as friendships and develop over time. Sound old fashioned? Perhaps, but then again, I am just another piece of "driftwood" like you who has been battered by life's storms and dashed against the rocks of love.

Ms. Hollis offers her readings by appointment for $150 for her 50-minute sessions. Call Readings By Karen at 860-665-8024 between 9:00 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. Eastern Time to make an appointment.