Relationships, Soul Mates, & Absence of Judgment
by Karen Hollis
Published in the Door Opener, Winter, 2013-14
If love "makes the world go round", then we are all on the "merry go round" of relationships! We have many different types of relationships that we manage everyday. Family, friends, business, and most importantly love relationships top our list of obligations. When I speak with clients about their relationships it is clear that they want to focus on love and the "magic of being in love" with that one special person. With that in mind, I would like to share a quote with you that touched my heart.
"Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others."
Isn't it true that when we first meet someone we are not jaded by any past battles with that individual? We have no judgments about them and they are therefore, perfect in every way. We may be drawn to their physical beauty or the way they laugh. Our eyes sparkle when we are "in love." When we meet their family members, for the first time, we have no judgments about them. We may not know about the past history of addiction within the family, or about the financial struggles that they may have faced, or are still facing. It is because we have no judgment that we are somewhat blind about whether we "fit" in the family of our loved one. Perhaps, this is where the saying "love is blind" may indeed apply. We can be swept up in the moment, and not see important indicators of future happiness with this new person. Nevertheless, many of us continue to seek a certain standard in romantic relationships that is unsustainable long term unless we suspend judgment.
I have to admit that I have a tendency to wince when I hear the word "soul-mate" used to describe what folks are looking for in their romantic relationships. In 2004, there was a movie called "The Notebook" that became a sensation especially with women. The story was poignant in that it showed an old man in a nursing home reading a story to an old woman, who suffered from memory loss, each day out of her notebook. Her name was Allie Hamilton and his was Noah Calhoun. Both Allie and Noah were very young when they first fell in love with each other. It was the classic tale of boy meets girl, parents get in the way of their love for one another, they are forced to marry others, and then somehow through fate find each other again. Allie had written about her great love for one Noah in her "notebook," prior to illness and memory loss. She made Noah promise to help her to never forget what true love really felt like by re-reading their love-story to her. He did this faithfully on a daily basis so that Allie could remember their love for each other for a brief moment each day, and experience that joy. Many of my clients would reference this movie, and ask if they would ever find their "Noah?" My response more times than not was that this type of love exists in the world, but it is rare. The story of Allie and Noah can happen, but as a society we have become more and more judgmental and impatient with anything less than this type of daily devotion to a relationship. Given the stresses that many people face financially and emotionally, I believe that relationships take real work and energy to last. They are like plants that need to be fed and watered to remain viable and strong.
The term, "soul-mate," in my opinion, creates an impossible standard that people have come to expect when seeking out a relationship. I believe that as we grow and change, at different points in our life, that there is no one person that will be able to fulfill us completely in every way. However, if we redefine and broaden the term "soul-mate" to mean someone with which we have much in common, who shares our values, and our likes and dislikes, it seems to many that the "soul" has been out of the term "soul-mate." People like "magical thinking." When Patti Stanger also known as the "millionaire matchmaker" was asked what is the one thing people need to do in order to find romantic love, she said: "lower their standards." As a society, we have come to expect too much from that one special person according to this matchmaking expert!
Although lowering standards and expectations may be good advice with regard to romantic love, the number one question that is asked regarding future events in my office is not just "will I fall in love again" but "can I learn to feel love in all of its iterations?" What people are really asking for is the hope that love brings into their lives. It speaks of hopes and dreams that we may look forward to in the future. You may feel love when you see a child at the holidays opening gifts chosen to delight them, and it is at these times that we go back in time to access sweet memories from our youth. If we were lucky enough to have a blessed childhood, we remember those who have passed on and are no longer with us here on earth. Relationships are not always easy, but they are useful for putting life in perspective. We learn that time is precious, and that time well spent is with those we care about in relationship.
Relationships are one of the most valuable tools that "Spirit" or "Source" blesses us with on our karmic journey here on earth. They require integrity, hope, tenacity, and joy to survive the rigors of our journey as a part of the human condition. It is wise to keep our expectations in check, our judgments to ourselves, and to believe that by living in the light we create our own "magic" with the help of the creator of all living things. Respect yourself enough to commit to those who see the value of the love you offer to them. Walk away from those who are too broken to love you with all their heart.
Karen Hollis is one of Connecticut's most highly regarded professional psychic/mediums. She is a sought-after Master Tarot reader who has over 30 years experience both reading and teaching the Tarot. Karen leads dynamic workshops throughout New England. Karen has been featured on Discovery Channel's, "A Haunting" and "Paranormal Survivor." She is the Lead Psychic-Medium Investigator with Ghosts of New England Research Society (G.O.N.E.R.S.).
For a reading with Karen, please call 860-665-8024 between the hours of 9:00a.m. – 7:p.m. EST.